Hogwarts' Unofficial Archives
by MysticScribe
Summary: Archive no.11. A damaged copy of the bestselling romance novel Tamer of her Heart, authored by romance novelist Fifi LaFolle. Rating higher than usual. Beware!
1. Archive no1

_Hi! This is a translation of one of my HP fics that got me good reviews._

_As you may see, English is not my first language. I am therefore trying to get better at writing it. Please don't flame me!_

_If one of you wonderful readers would have a few minutes now and then to proofread me, I would be oh so happy and forever in debt : D _

_Now about those unofficial archives…__These are a collection of small lighthearted one-shots (parchments, letters and bits and scraps found in Hogwarts) that document what may be going on in the lives of the HP characters._

_It is so much fun to write. I wish you will have fun to read them too._

_--MysticScribe--_

* * *

**Unofficial archive no.1**

**A small roll of parchment, found under a table, in the Gryffindor study room **

**Please note : to preserve the spirit of this archive, spelling and punctuation were kept as they were written initially.**

**---Beginning of the parchment--**

_(Clumsy handwriting,spotted with ink dots)_

What are you studying?

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, quite direct)_

Potions. If I were you, I would do just the same.

_(Clumsy handwriting)_

I'm soooooooooo bored

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, a little impatient)_

Write to Harry. I'm busy.

_(Clumsy handwriting, adding a little pressure)_

I don't understand how to mix the Growing Potion HELP ME HELP ME I don't understand a word _(small pause in the writing)_ When Harry explains it, he gets me all mixed up!

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, a little rough around the edges)_

I have a great idea. Why don't you pay attention in class…_(word was underlined three times)_

_(Clumsy handwriting, punctuated with a large ink spot)_

Just give me a clue! Vipper or dragon powder?

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, extremely precise)_

Viper powder. I can't believe you can't spe _(word not completed; ink has leaked a bit)_

_(Clumsy handwriting, angry)_

You're ALWAYS criticizing.

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, prudent)_

That is so not tru _(ink dot)_

_(Clumsy handwriting, gloating)_

HA! You forgot the « e » ! I'm so right! I'll keep this parchment for the rest of my life. It 's the ultimate (_underlined_) proof that you're not p _(sentence was not completed)_

_(Clumsy handwriting again, begging)_

It's a joke

_(Clumsy handwriting again, pleading)_

Come on, look at me

_(Clumsy handwriting again, small and hard to decipher)_

You KNOW that I find you _(last word is unreadable )_

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, majestic)_

Your head is amazingly too small for your body.

**--End of the parchment---**


	2. Archive no2

_Many thanks to Snitch and Kitsune Yarisha for their appreciated reviews!_

_As you may see, English is not my first language. I am therefore trying to get better at writing it. __If one of you wonderful readers would have a few minutes now and then to proofread me, I would be oh so happy and forever in debt : D _

_This is a translation of "Archives non officielles de Poudlard", one of my fanfics._

_--MysticScribe--_

**

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****Unofficial archive no.2**

**A scrap of parchment, found under a mattress, in the boys dormitory (Gryffindor Tower)**

**Looks like a rough draft, with additional notes (two handwritings) at the end**

**Please note : to preserve the spirit of this archive, spelling, punctuation and crossed-out words were kept as they were written initially.**

**(Clumsy handwriting, leaning slightly to the right. Note the carefulness.)**

**--Beginning of parchment—**

**--Beginning of draft--**

_Dearest Hermione (crossed-out)_

_Dear friend (crossed-out, three times)_

Hermione,

_I know that you fancy when I write to you and I thought I could (crossed-out)_

I'm writing to you today to thank you _with all my heart (part of sentence crossed-out)_

_warmly (crossed-out)) _

in a friendly way for the great gift you gave me for my birthday.

This poster of the Chudley Cannons is bloody brilliant : _you have no idea how much you made me happy (part of the sentence crossed-out)_ it is my favorite Quidditch team and it will look really nice on my bedroom wall.

Each time I look at it, _I think about you and (part of sentence forcefully crossed-out) _I remember the Quidditch World Cup and the _great (crossed-out) _time that we had_ together (crossed-out) _before_ getting pi (crossed-out) _being attacked by the Death Eaters.

_Would like to go (crossed-out)_

_Will you want to go (crossed-out)_

I am going to Hogsmeade this Saturday with Harry. Would you _care to (crossed-out)_ join us?

_See you soon (crossed-out) _See you later,

_Your friend (crossed-out)_ Ron _Weasley (crossed-out)_

**---End of draft—**

**Additional notes have been added (blue ink, two handwritings)**

_(clumsy handwriting)_ Do you think it's okay?

_(small, round handwriting, with heart-shaped dots on the "i"s)_ This is so sweet of you…Writing to your friend _(word underlined two times)_

_(clumsy handwriting, ink has slightly run)_ I didn't show you this to get laughed at

_(small, round handwriting, a little bossy) _Guess you should do better next time

_(clumsy handwriting, forcefully) _You are such a moronic sis _(word incomplete, ink blot)_

_(small, round handwriting, angrily) _Say that again and I'll Bat-Bogey hex you

_(ink blot)_

**--End of parchment--**


	3. Archive no3

_Yay! My English is not that bad after all : D _

_Huge thanks to all reviewers! _

_Do not hesitate to criticize/suggest/review! As you may see, English is not my first language. I am therefore trying to get better at writing it._

_--MysticScribe--_

**

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****Unofficial archive no.3**

**A one-page document, torn into 53 pieces.**

**Probably ripped out of a personal diary (_Secrets _model, from MysticScribe Fine Stationary Co.)**

**This page was retrieved from a toilet bowl, in the girls' bathroom (North Wing)**

**Please note: this document was severely damage at the moment of its discovery. As usual, to preserve the spirit of this archive, spelling, punctuation and crossed-out words were kept as they were written initially.**

**(Sharp and elegant handwriting)**

**--Beginning of page—**

and I just can't help wondering about what I can_ (underlined)_ do about all this. She doesn't seem to take any actions at all. I'm so worried she'll miss her chance.

When I saw C with H - good grief- from whom I was expecting oh so much more, being who he is – supposedly _(underlined)_ bright and insightful- I thought the plan was over. G's reaction shocked me: I found her kissing D in the SW, tongue _(underlined with disbelief)_ and all, only ten bloody minutes after that. Poor girl. Throwing herself at another boy. I couldn't possibly do that.

Did I write bloody? R is rubbing off on me. Help me Merlin.

_I mean, (sentence was not completed)_

_Finding R snogging a girl and then turning to V for (sentence was not completed)_

_This is so stupid (sentence was not completed)_

_(note: those words were drenched with ink and needed a lengthy restoration)_

It's so crazy to think that maybe I don't know my friend as well as I thought so. I just wonder if I am the only one to understand what is really going on here. I feel so alone when _(sentence was not completed)_

In a more positive note, here are my resolutions for this next year. I will devote myself to convince H and R that they will get nowhere without efforts. I feel so responsible of their EDUCATION, sometimes. They just go through life without any direction nor vision. I worry so (too) much about these two _(next word is unreadable)_

I can understand why H acts like that, I mean, with all he had to suffer but R _(the next words are unreadable)_

R reminds me so much of V sometimes: he is such a good friend and _I adore (crossed-out)_

_I like (crossed-out)_

I think he's okay, but I have this weird feeling that he has wood dust floating between his ears.

For R.

- make him understand he can't have O's everywhere without serious work of his (underlined) part

- convince him to read other stuff than "Quidditch Illustrated". I mean, culture is important

- explain to him that he can't say whatever he feels like to his friends ( teach him diplomacy)

For H

- give away subtle messages about G's beauty

- give away subtle messages about C's awful temper

- give him a subscription to "Superior Witchcraft", a fabulous magazine I discovered while visiting

**--End of page—**

**--A Revelation spell revealed to us a second handwriting in the left margin --**

**(Sharp and solid handwriting, red ink)**

Greetings H,

We found your diary. You must be so relieved that it fell into good and friendly hands, right?

Thank you so much for this very entertaining read.

We have to give you a tiny bit of advice though: we strongly recommend you buy your next diary elsewhere than at MysticScribe Fine Stationary Co. The shopkeeper buys our SilenceSecrets devices. It means we can open them. All of them.

Anyway, we really enjoyed the part where you compare _Ron's head (crossed-out)_ sorry, we meant R's _(underlined)_ head to a chunk of wood.

In fact, we have noted all of this so we can be sure to refresh your memory, just in case you forget about it. You'll thank us later.

KissKiss

F and G

**--End of note--**


	4. Archive no4

_This is the fluffiest archive to date. I wish you will like it. It was not easy to keep the same tone in English I used in French. I was going for all the clichés for this kind of document. Your review will be much appreciated._

_Do not hesitate to criticize/suggest/review! As you may see, English is not my first language. I am therefore trying to get better at writing it._

_--MysticScribe--_

**

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****Unofficial archive no.4**

**An newspaper column, ripped out of _The Daily Prophet (vol. 1256, no. 250)_**

**This archive is presumably a copy of the famous column "MysticScribe knows and answers– since 1832"**

**This page was found between two stones of a wall, in the South Wing. A salty liquid substance has been found on this document. Please note that is has been found as it reads.**

**--Beginning of column—**

_(the heading, in bold characters)_** Lack of Courage or Fear of Failure?**

_(column)_

Dear MysticScribe,

I am usually not inclined to turn to a columnist to get sound advice, but your thoughtful answer to Wild at Heart _(please see The Daily Prophet, vol. 1256, no.242)_ made me think long and hard this last week.

Here it goes: I have been told I am funny, intelligent and shrewd. I prize myself as a charming sort of gal and I do enjoy socializing tremendously. I am active and l thrive on living the moment, even if it can be sometimes dangerous (the thing is – I like danger). This is why I cannot begin to explain my lack of courage in a situation that is taking over my life.

I realized recently that I have become attached to a friend, a workmate. I know how ethically challenged this is: I could be breaking almost all the rules my employer sets on dating. I am also aware that there could be a danger for my own life by pursuing this interest, because of a certain matter on his side I cannot avoid. Alas, I cannot bring myself to be reasonable about this situation.

In fact, I tried to send open signals (subtle and not-so subtle, I am sorry to say) that would convey my interest (hints to share common activities, jokes, smiles) I have this nagging feeling that he has not noticed a thing! However, I am convinced that he appreciates me. Ifeel that he mayfancy me, but I am afraid of imagining things that will be proven otherwise. I am such a mess, MysticScribe. I would love to bring him to speak about how he feels, even if it brings potentially negatives reactions from our friends and colleagues.

I have this drowning feeling that opening myself to him would be like diving directly into a painful failure. What should I do, MysticScribe? Take the lead or forget it? Play the coy teaser or fearlessly throw my arms around him?

_Signed_ : Nowhere To Go

_(MysticScribe answers)_

Dearest Nowhere To Go,

I am so grateful you got over the stigma that has stained my column for oh so many years!

I cannot help thinking how hard you are on yourself. Please let me share a word of wisdom of a well-known Muggle playwright, who had the brilliance to understand that "a silence is often enough to explain a heart."

You do not explain what is _this_ _certain matter (in italics) _that you will have to negotiate with. I do feel, by the tone of your letter, that you have chosen not to consider it even if it could have a great impact on your life…and death. I am sure you will be the first to admit it: this situation would drive away any normal, down-to-earth witch. But why not you? It is so obvious, my dear. You are in love.

Now, you say you are showing lack of courage in front of all this. From my point of view, I do believe you are afraid, Nowhere To Go. You are afraid of facing the truth, which could be, of course, a pool of failure. What if it was a roaring, beautiful ocean?

If you truly think he is worth it, be strong my dear, and use that shrewd head of yours. Your workmate is silent: make him speak. Charm your way to him. Do whatever it takes (subtle and not-so subtle). I _know (in italics)_ you can do this.

_(signed)_ MysticScribe

**-- End of column --**


	5. Archive no5

_If you liked the unofficial archive no.4, I guess you'll like this one : ) _

_Still working the clichés …and having fun, I have to admit._

_Do not hesitate to criticize/suggest/review!_

_--MysticScribe--_

**

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****Unofficial archive no.5**

**A newspaper column, ripped out of _The Daily Prophet (vol. 1256, no. 254)_**

**This archive is presumably a copy of the famous column "MysticScribe knows and answers– since 1832"**

**This page was found between the paws of the Sphinx in the pathway leading to the donjon. Please note that is has been found as it reads.**

**--Beginning of column—**

_(the heading, in bold characters)_** Does Love leads to Danger?**

_(column)_

Dear MysticScribe,

Your answer addressed to Nowhere to Go _(please see the Daily Prophet, vol. 1256, no.250)_ made my skin crawl with fear. Please do understand this: I am a faithful reader who tends to agree with your thoughtful insights. Nevertheless, I was stunned (and yes, a little _shocked_) by the advice you gave to this poor young woman, whom I believed to be profoundly disturbed. I cannot believe you encouraged her to pursue her workmate, in spite of the danger he represents, because she seems to have fallen for him. I am sorry to say she is headed for a terrible deception.

I am myself a man whose life has been affected by _a certain matter _that gets sometimes out of my control. Even though I know I am not responsible of _this certain matter_, I do judge myself responsible of protecting the lives of my close friends and colleagues. I am much too aware of this terrible danger I represent to others to let people in. I know what you will say about this, but I have chosen to sacrifice some relationships, which I will admit it is not always easy. I do have to deal with _that certain matter_ with great care. It is _my_ burden to bear.

Nowhere to Go seems to be a formidable, lovable, endearing and compassionate young lady. I urge her to look for someone who will be able to keep her _alive_ . I urge her to think how devastated this man would feel if he were to be the cause of her demise.

(signed) Riskless Lunatic

_(MysticScribe answers)_

Dearest Riskless Lunatic,

My dear readers must be so happy that _I am_ the one writing this column and not you! Love is much more complex that what is reasonable or responsible (as you have written 1547 times in your letter, darling). You seem to have not understand this. I will oblige by letting you in on that matter.

You seem to be pretty alone, frightened Riskless Lunatic, with all your guiltiness and your doubts that are eating you alive. "It is my burden to bear" so you write. What a martyr you are, on the altar of personal relationships! I have the vivid impression that you have been hurt beyond belief by rejection. I do think this is now the time to lick your wounds.

Before you jinx this column with an _Incendio_ spell, please read furthermore: what would happen if a formidable, lovable, endearing and compassionate young lady would cross your path? What would happen if she knew how to rub you the right way to appease your fears and self-loathing (yes, darling, it is written on your forehead)? If you think Nowhere to Go is _disturbed, _I foretell you will go Romantic Lunatic when you will find the moon that illuminates your sky. Oh yes, and another thing: your letter was _never_ about Nowhere to Go. It was about _you_ all along.

_(signed)_ MysticScribe

**--End of column--**


	6. Archive no6

_Please keep in mind English is not my first language. If you see mistakes, send me a PM, I will look into this. Ou yeah, and reviews would be nice too: )_

**

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****Unofficial archive no. 6 **

**A thick envelope with two inscriptions : " The Old Prat" and "The Two-Faced Prats" **

**This envelope contains three pieces of parchment, medium quality B1. **

**The envelope was chewed by a very young owl with a sharpen beak. **

**It was found in Gryffindor's Quidditch locker room.**

**Please note: to preserve the spirit of this archive, spelling, punctuation and crossed-out words were kept as they were written initially.**

**-- Beginning of first parchment --**

_(Sharp and solid handwriting)_

Dear Old Prat,

Huge thanks for your _anxious (abnormal pressure on this word)_ offer to read and review the request we are planning to send to the Magical Business Department. We could not help wondering why we feel your offer is a little fishy: are you trying to censor us? What could you possibly be afraid of?

After all, we did learn from the Master (yes, we are talking about you): stunning good looks, a zest of silliness, loads of class and a drop of civil disobedience. A daring mix, we have to admit. (Do not roll your eyes: _we (underlined)_ are the real thing.)

You will find in this envelope the results of our team effort. We were wondering if our arguments were strong enough. This is why your help would be very welcomed. We would like to give you the "Biggest Brain in the family" crown, but we are sorry to say your head is a little too big already.

We cannot begin to tell how we would appreciate that you keep this away from Mum. We thought we could give you a little something in return, though: you will find in this pack a Seduction Potion we are working on. Just take two sips and prepare for a little amore. As we understood in Charlie's last letter, you got lucky only two times in the last three months…what is going on, Big B? Losing it, or what?

Say hi to your lumbago,

F and G

**--End of first parchment –**

**-- Beginning of second parchment –**

_(Self-assured and large handwriting)_

Hey, two-faced prats,

When I volunteered last month to read and review your request, I thought I had only to worry about the grammar. I was not expecting I would have to _translate (underlined) _the bloody document.

You are asking if your arguments "were strong enough" ?

Let me think about it…_(sarcastic pause) _

Insulting the department will certainly help you to get what you want. (This is called "sarcasm": I was afraid that you, bearers of the "Sharing one brain and quite happy with it" crown, would not understand the subtlety.)

You will find my suggestions on the parchment. I know you more than enough to predict that you will ignore my comments. Just do not run crying to big brother Bill.

Big, fat, wet kisses to you both,

B

P.S. Whatever opinion Charlie may have of my love life (and by Merlin's beard, he must not have loads to do with his own to write to you about this) I _do not (underlined)_ need your Seduction Potion. I met a really nice young woman recently. I would advise you to practise your Mop Up Charm before heading back home for the holidays: you will need it to sponge your drool on the floor. I have decided to send your prototype to R. who looks to be in great and desperate need, the poor kid.

B

**--End of the second parchment –**

**-- Beginning of the third parchment—**

**Before reading this archive, please consider the following points:**

**It seems that B's handwriting is in italics.**

**The header on this parchment is « W & W - in Business since Ten Minutes » **

(Sharp and solid handwriting) Good day to you, big shots of the MBD,

_(Self-assured and large handwriting) Witches and Wizards of the Magical Business Department,_

(Sharp and solid handwriting) If you can read this, you will understand the seriousness of our request.

_(Self-assured and large handwriting) Respectfully, we would like to make a formal request for a license. _

(Sharp and solid handwriting) It would mean a great deal to us if you could ship us the A-45 licence. It would save the Ministry from investing the taxpayers' precious Galleons to investigate the smuggling of our products that will surely ensue, if we do not get it.

_(Self-assured and large handwriting) We are officially requesting the A-45 license "Manufacturing Magical potions for commercial means"._

(Sharp and solid handwriting) We represent the next generation in the pranks business and we do believe we deserve a little pat on the back for the sacrifices it commands.

_(Self-assured and large handwriting) We are managing a business specialized in pranks and other fine products for fun and games. We would like to widen our market by adding a new line of tasteful, responsible products._

(Sharp and solid handwriting) A negative answer from you will set this parchment on fire and burn your nose hair.

_(Self-assured and large handwriting) Please do not hesitate to owl back if more details are needed. We do appreciate your time and concern on that matter._

_(one more note on the parchment, self-assured and large handwriting, again) This is a joke, right? And your header is so (censored) stupid…_

**--End of the third parchment–**


	7. Archive no7

_I have been consumed by a huge writer's block on this series, when some reviewers suggested me that I should build intrigues around it. Here is the translation of what is written at this moment in French. The next instalment will be posted in French and English at the same time. Wow, MysticScribe is becoming bilingual wink_

_I have decided to keep the Archives an experimental laboratory of playful writing, although knowing I am risking the loss of my twenty readers ; )_ _Thanks to all of you. I enjoy hearing about you. _

**

* * *

****Unofficial archive no.7**

**Three parchments of medium length, folded, found in "She and He: An Essay on Comparative Psychology of Witches and Wizards under Seventeen" written by Little and Marvin (1945), in Hogwarts library.**

**Please note: to preserve the essence of this archive, spelling, punctuation and crossed-out words were kept as they were written initially. A passage was censored.**

**(Three handwritings: two are upright, the third one is upside down.)**

**-- Beginning of the first parchment --**

_(Clumsy handwriting)_ What's a Minigri

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence)_ Migrini (_underlined_) page 36 (_small pause_) Don't frown: you should be happy you're doing homework. You know you could have been the one with the detention instead and suffer your morning away with S

_(Clumsy handwriting, strongly leaning to the right, ink spots almost covering the word) _Eeeeech

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick) _Since when are you reading and writing upside down?

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence) _Another one of my fabulous talents

_(Clumsy handwriting, strongly leaning to the right, lines carefully crossing the t's ) _That 's what I always _(drawing of a heart)_ about you…your humility

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, elated) _HA! Ron wins this one.

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, inquisitive) _Is this some kind of competition? I am sure I can win this. Speaking of humility, don't move you'll get a

_(Inks blots and an unidentified green sticky substance)_

_(Clumsy handwriting, furious, fast paced ) _WHY ? Why didn't you tell me Fred was throwing me a

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, teasing)_ I told you so. If you could read upside down, I guess you would have been faster to react

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, a twinkle in the HA)_ HA! We have got a tie

**---End of first parchment—**

**--Beginning of the second parchment--**

_(Clumsy handwriting)_ What's that book about?

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, rather annoyed) _Why don't you READ the title instead of writing me about it? _(The writing slows down, as if explaining to a three year-old)_ It is a book that reflects on the psychology of young wizards and witches.

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, strong curiosity in the question mark) _Interesting?

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence) _Quite. The authors ponder on the differences between underage wizards and witches.

_(Clumsy handwriting, falsely shocked, teasing)_ They are not the same! Tell me more I am DYING here

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, strong curiosity in the question, smirking) _I just knew you were going to write that. A point for Ron

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, utterly disgusted)_ You are giving him a point for this? All right, I know this is a huge surprise _(underlined three times)_ to both of you, but YES, they are different. They socialize in different ways

_(Clumsy handwriting) _What is the diff

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, completely annoyed) _Would you like a summary?

_(Clumsy handwriting) _Well, yes. I won't go through 300 pages for

_(The parchment is slightly crumpled as if it was taken out of somebody's hands)_

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, pontificating)_ Young witches tend to verbalize in a better way their emotions. They tend to establish significant relations by verbal interaction and are usually skilled to understand the different levels of non-verbal and verbal language. Young wizards prefer socializing through interactions based on physical interactions, as sports. They are more blunt when communicating feelings.

_(Clumsy handwriting) _I didn't need to read the book to know that

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, wondering)_ I do think it gives some strong hints to how boys and girls communicate with each other. I learned a few things.

_(Clumsy handwriting, suddenly interested) _Yes?

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, really curious)_ What?

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, a little hesitant)_ Well, I did understand why girls who play Quidditch are quite popular with boys.

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, spontaneous) _Like Ginny

_(Clumsy handwriting, surprised) _What are you talking about? My sister is popular?

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, cautious) _No

**---End of second parchment--**

**---Beginning of third parchment--**

_(Clumsy handwriting, curiously spiffy) _Fred and George told me they found your diary

_(Really sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence)_ I know _(a tear in the parchment)_

_(Clumsy handwriting, a dash of malice in the o's) _They told me enough to

_(ink blots)_

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, trying to appease) _That is not true. They didn't want to tell us

_(Really sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence)_ What does THAT mean, they didn't want to tell US?

_(A rather sketchy drawing of two faces. One is covered with ink dots and the other one sports round glasses. A small cloud is raining all over them and throws them bolts of lightning)_

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, a little nervous)_ It is a matter of speech. I have to say, you draw quite well. You managed to give such a nice

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, inquisitive) _Don't bother. Since when does my personal diary hold an interest to you?

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, snappy)_ He is just messing with your head and you know it

_(Clumsy handwriting, sulking) _Come on, we were just getting started

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, a little rough) _So you want to learn to read upside down? Let's start with a little summary of what is written in my diary: Dear Diary, I am sure Ron Weasley has an enormous furuncle instead of _(The Archive Services had to censor the next three lines. This language is totally inappropriate for underage wizards.)_

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, totally incredulous) _! Merlin! I did not know as much synonyms for _(sentence is incomplete)_ I have to say, you know things I had never really

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, strutting a bit) _Another one of my fabulous talents

_(Clumsy handwriting, thunderstruck) _I don't believe my hair! _(Our linguist here at the Archive Services thinks it is a local expression.) _You don't really think that, do you?

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, completely relaxed) _You lost. Big time.

_(Clumsy handwriting, taken aback) _How is that?

_(Sharp and elegant handwriting, upside down, under the last sentence, purring)_ What made me win?

_(Nicely shaped handwriting, a bit thick, a wink on the dots over the i's)_ I think that is obvious, he's red as a Howler

_(Clumsy handwriting, urgent)_ Hide this. McGo's coming our way

_(ink blots)_

**-End of third parchment--**


	8. Archive no8

_Unofficial archive no.8 is bittersweet. __This is my first foray into a little drama in the archives. Writing Luna first person is quite a challenge. _

_Please let me know what you think because I have been working so much on this I am not sure anymore if it is good or bad – or very very bad. __As I said, this **is** a laboratory. : )_

_I have no idea if there is a gargoyle guarding Ravenclaw's common room. I made that up._

**

* * *

****Unofficial archive no.8**

**A single parchment, stuffed into the gargoyle's mouth that guards the entrance of Ravenclaw's common room. It looks like a letter that was never sent.**

**(Round and gracious handwriting, very light pressure on the parchment. There is a lot of space between each word, as if they were carefully weighted.)**

**--Beginning of parchment--**

Dear Harry,

Mathilda Lipman told me she would give this letter to you, when I would be finished writing it. It greatly surprised me, because she is usually one of those people who hide my things in the gargoyle' s mouth that guards the entrance of Ravenclaw's common room. I told her that she should find another place if she wanted to hide my things from me, because it cannot be called hiding anymore if I know exactly where they are, isn't it?

Why bother to write it to you then, you must think? It is no bother, really: writing is the second logical step after thinking. Speaking comes after because you have everything in order. I would advise your friend Ronald to write more before he speaks.

Besides, letters seem to always find their way into the hands of the person who should benefit from reading it. Maybe I'm writing this for someone else. Maybe I'm writing this for me.

Ginny Weasley told me that the man who vanished behind the dark veil was your godfather. I am sorry you have lost a loved one: I know it hurts because there is never too many of them around us.

A few years ago, my father told me how your parents died when you were a baby, and how you survived to what happened that night. I did not survive anything like this. The only thing tragic that happened to me was my Mum dying. She was quite a capable witch but I guess she took too many risks. I heard your godfather took a lot of them too. You must miss him very much. I miss Mum a lot.

When she died, I felt for a while that I was the one who closed the door on her. I was asking a lot of questions about what she was doing in her laboratory. She would disappear for hours and then come out with a piece of answer. I had a strange feeling that day she winked at me before closing the door leading to her laboratory.

Why do we think it is dark, cold and lonely behind the doors that close on our most precious loved ones? I strongly feel that we are the ones in the dark who are cold and lonely.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about Mum and I owled Dad to know if he had any ideas about what was the meaning of this life we live, because I have been thinking about this a lot and I am not satisfied with any of the answers I came up with. It does not make sense to love so much and to loose so much.

He wrote me that there are as much meanings as there are Wizards and Muggles that ever walked the soil of this planet. I slept quite well that night: I felt reassured that we, Wizards and Muggles, could manage to be completely right and completely wrong at the same time.

This is why, I guess, we can live and die at the same time when a loved one goes. I thought it could be some comfort to you. But then again, I may have to repeat it to you someday.

Sincerely,

Luna L.

**--End of parchment--**


	9. Archive no9

_Believe it or not, what is the funniest thing about this archive is that I did not invent a thing in the student's conclusions and in the teacher's evaluation! The numbers were calculated from the birthdates found on the HP Lexicon._

_LOL_

_Someone I love dearly suggested this idea. He has his feet firmly to the ground – even if he reads his horoscope every morning and invents crazy stories about it!_

* * *

**Archive no. 9 **

A parchment, thickness: 5/9

Visibly ripped off from a written test.

Crumpled; found in a drawer in Gryffindor's Tower (girls' dormitory)

For a better understanding of this parchment, the student's conclusions are written in italics, as the teacher's evaluation.

The test was printed on the parchment.

The handwriting is round and regular: medium pressure on the quill.

**--Beginning of parchment --**

**Divination**

**Final written examination – fourth year**

**Full Name:** _Weasley, Ginevra_

**1. Summarize a numerological theme**

**Instructions :**

a) Please choose a classmate, preferably tormented and in great need of help.

b) Indicate his/her birthdate and gender

c) Develop his life number – do not forget the calculation

d) Write a summary (ten lines) and make three predictions.

**Calculation:**

_31 July 1980_

_Gender: Male_

_Life number: 3+1+0+7+1+9+8+0 29 _

_2+9 11 or 2_

**Conclusions:**

_The vibe represented by 11 is strong. It is under Uranus' power, the planet responsible for deep changes and rebirths following ordeals. The native, under Uranus' influences, is predestined to a hectic existence, rich in meaningful events. We can recognize this native to his eccentric behaviour and to his own personal way of brewing trouble in organized societies, because of his unique way of facing the world. The native does have an ambiguous relationship to materiality and money. A svelte and long body characterizes him. He is predisposed to heart palpitations, to pangs and to nervous breakdowns. _

_Traditionally, it is said that the 11 vibe marks an old soul. The native has to accomplish his personal mission and if he tries to move away from it, life events will bring him back to it. His principal moral qualities are courage and bravery. In love and friendship, he is really (underlined) slow to attach himself to others, but when his heart is taken, he is loyal and faithful. He wishes above all a normal family life._

**Predictions :**

_This native will be celebrated with great honours by the wizarding world._

_This native will find support among misfits._

_This native will share a special connection to a native born under the 7 vibe. _

**Commentaires : **

_(stiff handwriting)_

_Good development and good overall understanding._

_You preferred vibe 11 to vibe 2, which is a bold choice considering he is a young wizard. If this native is worthy of carrying the 11, he will be a surprisingly strong wizard. You forgot to mention that this native, under Uranus' influence, is particularly gifted for divination and astrology._

_I tend to agree with your predictions. My inner eye is adamant that a link is possible with a vibe 7 native. The 7's are tempestuous and they like to be surrounded and adulated. They carry the pretension they are always right. I am curious of what you have seen about this link between the 11 and the 7. I wonder how your chosen native will be able to face the 7 native, who does not tolerate contradictions. I would have like a sentence on this._

_S. Trewlaney_

**Grade for the question:** _E_

**--End of parchment--**


	10. Archive no10

_I'm quite fond of psychology and I absolutely worship bad psychology, the one that tramples all the other sciences and that will offer you the ultimate (and only) way to good living. _

_This is why this idea had been brewing from all the very funny – not to say fabulously subtle -titles you may encounter when you go to your local bookstore or library. It seems that wizards have their showy relationship gurus too. Thank Merlin for this._

_Of course, you must know by now, my real name is IronicScribe. _

* * *

**Archive no. 10**

A Dr Marvin and Dr Little psychological self-test kit, owl-ordered.

The envelope contains a flyer, a psychological test and a correction key.

Scribbling on the third parchment is from the owner, who has not been identified.

**-- Beginning of the first parchment (flyer) --**

_(Header)_ Bringing the _Male _into Wizards since 1898

Wizards of fine quality,

Are you tired of relationships that leave an aftertaste of dragon dung?

Are you tired of being left out from the exciting Wizarding dating scene?

No need to be a Potions Master and to lost your precious time in brewing those fancy Amortentia potions to get a little lovin'.

Work on your personal relationship skills with the celebrated Dr Marvin and Dr Little, respected authors of **"She and He: An Essay on Comparative Psychology of Witches and Wizards under Seventeen" (1945), **the all-time bestsellers** "Wand at the Ready: Today's Wizard Psychology in Love and Relationships" (1975) **– prefaced by the one and only Gilderoy Lockhart! - and** "Wear the Hat: Sorting the Right Witch for You" (1979)**

Since 1898, Dr Marvin and Dr Little have brought you the finest psychological treatments and self-exploration techniques to help you blossom into a confident wizard, that may conquer the lady witch…and may slay that dragon too.

Enjoy your self-diagnosis kit and feel free to owl us for precisions. Our offices are open 24/7 and our lovely CounselWitches are there to answer all your queries.

_(showy signature)_ Dr. Magnificus Marvin

_(showy signature)_ Dr. Minimus Little

**-- End of first parchment --**

**-- Beginning of the second parchment (psychological test) --**

_(Header)_ Bringing the _Male _into Wizards since 1898

You have ordered the **"Bring out the Magical Beast in You"** kit.

To help you on the road of self-discovery and relationship bliss, we do invite you to honestly answer those questions.

**1. As a male wizard, you do believe that witches are:**

a) Beautiful, worship-worthy creatures.

b) A possible danger to your health but great conversationalists.

c) Exciting but somewhat annoying. _(underlined with a frown)_

d) Flesh.

**2. You would describe your relationship with your mother as:**

a) Amazing, on the verge of osmosis

b) Rational and intellectual, sometimes with angst

c) Civilized but sometimes on the wild side _(underlined with a sigh)_

d) Difficult and fiery

**3. In your last relationship:**

a) You accepted ridiculously girly gifts – and you wore them with pride

b) You rejected ridiculously girly gifts – and you destroyed morally the witch with abrasive language

c) You accepted ridiculously girly gifts – and you sold them

d) You accepted ridiculously girly gifts – but you threw them out/destroyed them "accidentally" _(underlined with a wince)_

**4. When you meet a witch that captures your interest:**

a) You compliment her on her good looks

b) You use your dirtiest jokes/strongest language to see how she will react and appreciate the confrontation that follows _(underlined with pride)_

c) You look into her eyes and you bow

d) You burn her with your gaze

**5. What do you notice first on a witch?**

a) Lustrous, full-bodied hair _(underlined sharply)_

b) Good body

c) Elegant walk

d) Interesting disposition of limbs

**6. Your philosophy about your personal way in relating to witches:**

a) To Love Me is to Adopt Me

b) To Fight with Me is to Love Me _(underlined with hesitation)_

c) May Be Wild, May Be Tamed

d) I'm not the Best Looking Wizard in the World, but I Burn, Baby. Yeah. _(underlined with hesitation)_

**7. Words that describe your kissing technique**

a) Sweet and chaste

b) Passionate, teeth will be used if necessary

c) Engulfing and powerful

d) Sloppy but efficient (_underlined with shame)_

Please count your a's, b's, c's and d's and consult the key.

Be ready to bring out the Magical Beast in you!

**-- End of second parchment --**

**-- Beginning of the third parchment (correction key) --**

**If you have most answers in A, the magical beast in you is a UNICORN.**

You are a Wizard clearly in touch with your feminine side. You understand the need for witches to speak their mind with an overflow of details when it is near bedtime. You recite beautiful poetry, you can shop shoes for the lady witch in your life but you frequently loose your girlfriends to Manticores. **Our advice: Get a little dirty.**

**If you have most answers in B, the magical beast in you is a MANTICORE.**

You are a passionate Wizard that loves a good verbal match and you do not worry about appearances. You tend to prance, but the witches are ready to pardon you a lot of your shenanigans because of your remarkable intelligence. You take great pride to conquer but women tend to fall at your feet and never really recover from it. **Our advice: Accept to be touched sometimes. You'll see a 100 percent improvement in your relationships. **

**If you have most answers in C, the magical beast in you is a HIPPOGRIFF.**

Free of mind and of spirit, you fly away when things do not go your way. Sensual, slightly overbearing, you attach a great deal of importance on following appropriate courtship. You prefer your freedom, but you will accept domestication easily if the witch in your life can feed you with substantial care.** Our advice: Use your charisma to make contact.**

**If you have most answers in D, the magical beast in you is a BLAST-ENDED SKREWT.**

A mix between fire and water, you have problems keeping your head on your shoulders in love as you find yourself torn between exploding of passion and drowning in self-misery. You may not be the most evident Wizard stud but some ladies truly do find you charming in your explosive kind of way.** Our advice: Accept yourself. Beauty _is_ in the eye of the beholder.**

For a Galleon, get an in-depth personalized copy!

_(scribbling)_ Bloody hell

**-- End of third parchment --**


	11. Archive no11

_Sorry to repost - I worked hard to try to get the tone right and push it to MysticScribe's stratospheric heights of silliness, "hot wizard" clichés and eye-rolling imagery with my limited English vocabulary. Feel free to seek out any reference to a canon character…_

_Special thanks to Crookshanks22, who suggested I delve into Fifi LaFolle tantalizing waters of magical bodice ripper novels. Fifi LaFolle was witch of the month on JKR website and the author of magical romance novels – and the drawing made her look strikingly like Barbara Cartland! _

_**Beware – One third ridiculous, one third saucy. The rating is higher that usual – one third smut.**_

_**Now, I have warned you ; )**_

* * *

**Archive no.11**

A damaged copy of the best-selling romance novel "_Tamer of her Heart"_, from the _Enchanted Encounters_ series, authored by romance novelist Fifi LaFolle.

Was found in Gryffindor's girls' dormitory.

The inscriptions _Molly Prewett W. , Mrs M. Weasley, Molly P. Weasley , Mrs Arthur W., MP + AW_ and seven scribbled hearts were found on the inside of the book jacket.

The complete novel can be borrowed from the Archives. Please add your name on the waiting list. This page has been chosen for the numerous underlined sentences.

OOOOooooOOOO

(…) _page 263_

if they learned how inappropriate you acted while I was in great pain?" Charles insinuated with impudence, and the muscles in his back rippled as he closed her trunk with ease.

As he turned to face her, Elvira could not help noticing how the fabric of his blue velvet robes sculpted his strong, broad shoulders. Trouble overwhelmed her and her dimpled cheeks reddened. The maiden's beating heart was chanting a sad melody. She had lost so much because of him. She hated him…didn't she?

Elvira feverishly kept in mind that Charles had wounded her father with that vengeful, unfair hex. He was the sole reason why she had to give away all hopes of a quiet life with her family, therefore quitting Healers' Training School before she could attain her dream. But he had saved her mother's life from that manticore's attack and he almost lost his in doing so.

She could not refuse to tend to him when the awful, insisting young man had blackowled her father to get her to Heal him with her meagre knowledge of dark magic.

Elvira never had the choice with Charles Dragston: he imposed himself on her life. She could not avoid him, nor forget him: it seemed to the young woman that he was always in her way. She was filled with elusive, violent, passionate feelings for him. Elvira inwardly cursed him: he was a maverick brute, a dangerous wizard in the body of a lady witch-killer.

Yet she could not move when he grabbed her delicate wrist with his strong hand. He took her broom from her hands and he let it fall on the floor. In his powerful hand, the broom had seemed as light as an oak leaf in the autumn of her pain. 

His blue eyes were piercing her, as he was trying to glimpse at some pages of her intimacy she never wanted him to read. She was suddenly afraid he would try to use his _Legilimens_ capacities to conquer her; she was suddenly afraid he would discover how she feared him and was attracted to him at the same time. Charles made her feel vulnerable and weak as Muggles felt, she thought; she hated him for that.

As she tried to recoil, Elvira breathed, "I took care of you at great cost, Mr Dragston." Her soft lips let out a small whimper as he strengthened his grip on her. "Sponge bathing me instead of using a simple _Lavere_ spell? _That_ must have cost you, " the young man deadpanned with gleaming, incisive eyes, the corners of his mouth slightly turning up.

Elvira blushed profusely. "How can you even infer that I am that sort of witch? I was not offered a _choice_, Sir," she retorted with a quivering voice. She looked at him through her black, thick eyelashes and she added, flustered, "I never would have tried wand magic on the wound the manticore left on you. It would have killed you."

Charles Dragston spoke back softly, "Then, you saved me. You deserve my uttermost recognition. I am bounded to you. "

His rough and knowing fingers insinuated themselves under her sleeve and Elvira gasped at his cockiness. His skin was so warm and silky against her own white petal-like flesh: she had oiled his for days to prevent the spreading of the damage the Manticore's poisoned scales had done.

Elvira knew what rich honey colour it had, how it smelled musky and refine at the same time. She had been scared to feel her knees weaken when she had inhaled its intoxicating scent, when the man was lying still, plunged into a potion-induced sleep to ease his pain.

The Magical Forest Keeper must have slipped her Amortentia potion in the pumpkin juice he had offered to her, she believed: Elvira found herself wanting to surrender to him. Throbbing desire flooded her and tears moistened her green eyes.

This could not be. This was so wrong.

She half-heartedly muttered, "No. I do not want your thanks nor your acknowledgement. Let me go, Mr. Dragston."

Elvira tried to escape from him, to flee from this horrible, self-assured man, but he casted an imperious hand on the small of her back and he pulled her to him. She was breathing harder now, trying to grab her wand with her free hand. Charles smirked and locked her wrists in a tight grasp behind her, forcing her to arch back slightly like a mahogany sprig under a scalding hot wind. She watched him with glowering eyes when he honoured her lips by slowly tracing them with a finger.

His voice was smooth and suggestive when his lips moved against her ear, "I am convinced a witch of _your sort _will enjoy being thanked."

Charles captured her mouth with savagery and Elvira let out a small cry of pain when his handsome face collided with hers. His mouth was insisting and persuasive: when his hand slipped under her pleated bodice, her cry turned into a throaty rasp and he

_(…) end of page_

* * *

_Oh my. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I hope I did justice to Madame LaFolle._

_I suffered through very corny love songs to write this._


End file.
